chinese new year!

Hello dear blog and to a lesser extent my readers(luke and possibly now andrew).
Life has been dull of late but Friday night has been one of the best nights I've had in a while. Having been convinced to join the chinese-newyear-trust mailing list by a lady (rather an attractive one now I come to think about it), I twiddled my thumbs and waited for the emails to come...Who would have thought I'ld wait until January but wait I did.
When the aforementioned email arrived I lept at the chance of being a waiter ah the power over refills of water jugs and seconds of springrolls. As seems to be a running theme through my life it was a voluntary position but with all the spare noodles I could eat. Still waiting as I did many purchasings were had to make myself RESPECTABLE (and inadvertantly into a jewish tailor). My new highly stylish self was tried out today to great affect, people talked to me and no-one accused me of being odd -record?
The thing I don;t understand about the chinese, as lovely as they are, is why they need to have quite so many courses. I enjoy walking back and forth between the kitchen as much as the nextman but near enough 10-15 dishes is more than any man can take. Some of the plates almost burnt my hands to a crisp and I succeeded in dripping hot chicken juice down my trouser-leg (how I wish that was the first time I've ever said that). All this fun was had whilst trying to watch young girl tie herself in knots and then tie herself in knots whilst being held up in the air by older girl.
When did people become such bastards for charity? We had a number of bottles of wine for sale for £5 but try and explain this to people and you think you'ld just knife raped their only daughter! Its for chinese schools (thats what the whole sodding things about) but still they try to haggle with me, maybe £3 go on I've got a lovely smile..special discount. People then tried to steal wine after the meal was over... All of the wine had to be moved to the bar and be put under constant supervision. I was supposed to be able to eat any unclaimed meals but by the time the meal ended people screamed at us that we wernt immediately cleaning up whilst people were finishing off their tea. The tea whilst it was supposed to be green, whoever was in charge of buying industrial quantities hadn't turned up so someone ran to tescos to get 2 big bags of red label (I enjoy watching people shout at each other about who was responsible).
Dinner scraped off plates and put into three giant boxes the evening was ours to do with as we please. It seems our pleasure is defined as collapsing chairs then rolling giant tables into a fire escape, then stacking chairs into giant racks of chairs, then attempting to move these things without breaking our backs inorder to block another fire-escape. It was actually a lot of fun, far too much really. I was told to have a break but I was working at the bar instead with a list of cocktails I'd never heard of before, luckily they all seemed to involve pinapple juice in a cup...
I met a good number of people most of whom I'ld like to talk to again and even got offered a place on next years committee if I wanted it. I still think Nicks on to a winning plan by getting on the good side of the chinese now.
Evening wrapped up with excellent Jazz played and sung well, dancing whilst serving singing along to in the mood. An hour of tidyingup and shifting far, far to many boxes and watching a giant blackman come into the room every so often and grumble something about health and safety.
Cometh the 1am, cometh the thanks-slut's departure as we were all kicked out. It gets kind of embarrasing for everyone after the 4th time they've told you "you've been amazing, thanks ever so much". I admitted to them that quite frankly I'ld rather be tidying than listening to a bunch of besuited churchillians getting drunk and playing on dodgems at £40 a pop, they didn't seem to care.
Walking back from town I was dancing to the Bobby Darin in my head and everything was right with the world. I was eating 'pocket orange'-its been in my coat pocket for atleast 4 days with the intention of being breakfast. I passed a man whilst eating said Orange and wondered what the most suspicious fruit is, I don;t think its likely to be an Orange, a banana maybe but that could be used as a false nose for a disguise. Answers, muffenites, in comments plskthnx
News in brief:
Arthur Millar dead -yep, once married to Marilyn Monroe
Hans Christian Anderson, gay and virgin - OFFICIAL!
Catandgirl good - Cat's christian rock song :
'If you want to destroy my saviour
just pull this thread as I walk away
watch it unravel, I'll soon be naked
Dying on the cross! Dying on the cross!
God's only son!'
Lounge Nirvana : !!

Right, maybe its time to stop and stroke the weasel of sleep behind the ears, coax the oneiric badger out of the set of dormancy.
Until next time take your shoes off and THROW THEM IN THE LAAAYYKE!